In Her Shoes: Reflections on Mercury square Saturn

I think some people are naturally positive...

I always feel I need to work at being positive.

Perhaps this is due to my tight Mercury square Saturn in my own natal chart. Mercury square Saturn can be a depressive, discerning, and critical aspect in and of yourself if natally. Earlier in life you were forced to learn and work your mind the hard way. You may second guess yourself, or feel you haven't learned or done enough, and as a result of that strive to achieve for yourself even harder.

Being a crazy strong Virgo, Mercury is a really important planet to me. I am as Mercurial as they come with Mars, Venus, Sun, and Mercury all in Virgo. As we go through the spiritual path, we come to a place in which we need to reflect on our upbringing, our childhood, and what we need to heal with inner child wounds. Growing up, my mom was a teacher and I was marinated in learning, books, and school from the time I could barely walk. I used to even play school with my Grandfather. I myself became a teacher in the traditional sense of the word, before I migrated into more spiritual teaching and the current work I do in more edtech endeavors. (Thank you Uranus sextile my Moon- for reals, love you.)

I have always been an overachiever. I was in National Honor Society in High School, and then also French National Honor Society. I was top of my graduating class in high school, and was easily a high pressure-achieving student since middle school. One of my Dad's favorite memories he used to tease me about was a time when I was working on a social studies project in middle school (a book report on Mobutu Sese Seko...I still reminder it to this day! hahah), and he offered to help me with it. I refused, saying "No, Dad I would rather do it myself." (Because I wanted to do it "just right".)

There is actually home video of me on my mom's lap on my 1st or 2nd birthday, where my Mom is teaching me nursery rhymes and I am repeating them back to her. My Mom's Saturn is also on my Mercury, reinforcing all of this Saturn pressure (this is how you work astrology for healing my dears!) Mercury Square Saturn and Mercury on someone's Saturn can be like that...school from before you even go to to school. (By the way it is ::extremely:: common to have Saturn aspects with family members, as it relates to karmic, long term bonding, and hard lessons).

On one hand I could choose to be bitter about this (and trust me I have my moments...more so reflecting on the critical aspects of Saturn that can be induced). But then, I consider this in other ways too, as long term Saturn aspects often teach us to do. We grow to allow and respect it's tough lessons/teachings over time. The peace I find is the fact that because I was inundated with such Saturnian vibes on my Mercury from such a young age, it sharpened my intellect and my mind to such an extent it made it laser focused. Think: dull knife to sashimi style accuracy.

I learned to edit my writing and reread whatever I wrote before I sent it (which adults still woefully do not do to this day), to build out my vocabulary, to articulate, create, and express from a young age, and I continued to hone that craft, work that craft, and rework it. One of my fondest memories in high school was a time in which my English teacher read my alliteration essay aloud as a superb example to the class for the imagery and sensory language I used. And spoiler alert: I became a science major so I wasn't even completely involved or studying just one thing hahaha.

As I navigate the energy in my early 30s decade, I come to see these threads more and more within myself...about writing, and creativity, and artistic expression. I loved Harry Potter growing up and J.K.Rowling's comeback story and quick wit as a whip smart author was always something that inspired me (excluding a certain tweet of hers at end of 2019). I highly recommend checking out this book for more inspo on JKR's incredible writer's journey. I am finding more and more I AM a writer, and a storyteller. It's quite incredible to be like whoa...these seeds were planted all along, and yet here I am...just beginning to fully see and integrate them as a spiritually functioning adult. (Trust me, ask my friends, I always text a book lol.)

I want to end this blog post with something super cute, and something I attribute to being "in her shoes"...throwbacks of my inner child and preteen self (and perhaps Libra moon and leo midheaven). I did dance from the age of 6 to 16. For ten years of my life, I twisted, twirled, grapevined, and leaped in the art of ballet, tap, pointe, jazz, hip hop and more.

Something I have done for inner child healing is keep pictures of my child self out on my desk. I place nurturing and protective crystals around them, and I bring in that loving energy into their space. It is a helpful reminder of who you are at heart, where you have come from, and the right decisions you need to make to move forward in your life and let go.

I also love keeping my dance shoes close by. I love displaying the toe shoes out because they remind me creativity + discipline can create beauty. And that is the place I am in in my own life with my career: really embracing that precision, discipline, creativity and performance aspect as a part of who I am...It is full circle. And when I need a reminder to love on my inner child self when I become overly harsh or critical, I just take one of those little ballet shoes out...and I ask myself "What would I do in HER shoes?"

Julie Ann Fae is a spiritual healer and teacher who delights in bringing in the energies of the fairies for manifestation, self assertiveness, environmental protection, and inner child play. She is a professional astrologer and certified angel card reader and all around boss babe. She knows that inner child healing and astrology is a powerful tool, and she is sure you will come to understand that in time too. She would love to walk the journey with you, too, and engage you in feel better knowings to self love. Follow her email newsletter by joining at julieannfae.com and catch her at more magical locations here. Also, treat her to a cup of tea here!